How are your weekends going so far?
My day involved catching up with chores and life admin, which I decided to thoroughly document for your reading pleasure, like a slightly more feminine David Attenborough. I've even included instructions in case you want to live like me for a day.
Wake up late, after staying up 'til stupid o'clock the night before watching Ru Paul's Drag Race. Write To Do List on phone while still in bed.
MacGyver takeaway box into container to post blog competition prizes. Use half world's stock of Sellotape. Hipster moustache tape optional*.
Eat very late breakfast of marmite on toast. Drink orange juice. Watch Him & Her on Netflix while catching up on web admin.
Dye old shoes with shoe polish. Ignore instructions about using two shoe polish brushes and two cloths. Use old pair of pants instead.
Have a shower. Eat (half past) elevenses. Photograph your drink. If there's one thing the internet needs, it's more shoddy phone photos of hot beverages. You're welcome, internet.
Sweep floor. Offset poor progress with To Do List by adding stuff you've already done.
Take parcel to be posted, stomping through autumn leaves whenever possible.
Worry about your choice of newsagent after the cashier makes a point of putting your parcel on a hard-to-reach shelf "so no-one steals it". Contemplate buying a bottle of wine for the label alone.
Eat late lunch of tortellini with pesto and goats cheese. Collapse on sofa due to carb overload.
Stay on sofa, pinned by weight of own stomach. Watch
Vacuum carpets. Set up sewing station and fix pile of broken clothes. Like a clothing hospital.
Turn tunic cursed with eternal static cling into pillowcase. Upon discovering the pillow fits perfectly inside tunic, try not to get paranoid that your torso has the same dimensions as a pillow.
Make vegetable tagine for dinner. Pretend this counteracts earlier carbohydrate consumption.
Eat dinner while watching Goldie Hawn film of your choice.
Write letter to penpal. Eat chocolate for sustenance.
Review To Do List. Feel sense of accomplishment.
*It's not optional. Get some.