21 November 2014

Christmas Gift Guide No. 2

Hey m'dears

Happy Friday!

I'm very pleased to announce that the wait is finally over* for the second instalment of my Christmas Gift Guide series. Hurrah! This time I'm focusing on "Presents for people with a Y chromosome"; because it's a damn snappy title. 

It makes me sad that the majority of shops' "male gift" displays comprise solely of novelty socks. Do men really want for nothing more than Homer Simpson-emblazoned hosiery? I say NO. So here's a selection of alternative presents to days-of-the-week foot-gloves**:

1. Introducing the most hardcoriest bauble of all time for the Christmas-loving tough guy in your life. I actually bought myself two of these beauties already, because they remind me of medieval maces. Aka the spirit of Christmas.

2. This corkscrew is definitely the most piratical kitchen accessory I've ever seen. Pair it with a bottle of Sailor Jerry's and you've got yourself a party. Just ignore the fact that Sailor Jerry's comes in screw-top bottles...

3. If your fella needs fancying-up, this Mr Dapper clothes brush will get him looking spick and span. Bonus points for the fact it looks much more expensive than the £6 price tag.

4. No man should have to suffer through life with a mundane camera strap when there are camera straps like this in the world. Sort it out.

5. Does your old man have even older eyes? Perhaps not, as that's not scientifically possible, but a lack of scientific evidence is no excuse to hold back from buying this magnifier bookmark.

6. For brothers whose love of the Brat Pack is equalled only by a love of brunch, this poster is the bacon-embellished art of their dreams. Optional extra; garnish with a gift tag made of bacon.

7. Pretty much the flashiest flash drive around (except for one that's actually The Flash), this Captain America memory stick will heroically guard your private documents against evil. 

8. If there's one thing I know about men, it's that they like boobs. Sadly, one cannot buy boobs on the internet (well, not with free shipping anyway), so instead why not buy them this beer bread mix? It's almost as good as boobs. Probably.

Katie xxx

*I know you've only been waiting since Sunday, but don't you also feel like your whole life has been waiting for this moment? No?

**I ran out of alternative words for socks.

16 November 2014

Christmas Gift Guide No. 1

Given that the Christmas season involves hot wine and novelty jumpers, it may surprise newer readers to find out that my favourite part of the festivities is actually Christmas gift guides. Just when you thought you knew me, eh? 

I've therefore decided (all of three seconds ago) to publish a series of gift guides this year, as my way of giving back to the internet for all the guides I've previously drooled over like a collage-loving Doberman*. Due to my ad-hoc approach to blogging, I can't confirm how many posts there'll be in said series, but I can promise there'll be at least one (spoiler: it's this one). 

I particularly like gift guides that are themed around price, recipient, or colour, because compartmentalising things makes me happy. So I've themed Gift Guide No. 1 as "People like me", to help you buy presents for anyone you know who loves dinosaurs, millionaire shortbread, and stuff covered in maps**. You're welcome.

1. Is your Mum ashamed of her boring, regular doormat? Help her save face with future guests by buying her this one as a replacement.
2. Do you wish your girlfriend's lips taste like ice-cream 24/7, instead of the meagre 20 hours a day when she's actually eating ice-cream? This lip balm has answered your wish
3. If you can't afford a trip to the Arctic with your fiancĂ©e, this necklace is basically the same thing.
4. The festive colours in this tartan dress make it a great outfit for Christmas Day; and it's the perfect shape to hide a Christmas dinner food baby.
5. This plate has all the romance of a dinner under the stars, without the numb fingers. 
6. Give your sweetheart something even sweeter, such as this jarful of peanut and salted caramel chocolate from my her favourite chocolatiers. 
7. Do your sister's legs look like rabbits? No?! Sort it out with these tights, stat!
8. Buy her this brooch. That is all.
9. While this globe is pretty expensive, one really can't put a price on education, and your niece might be secretly unsure about which countries are actually in Europe...
10. These towels will make your daughter feel like she's being dried off with fluffy sunshine.  
11. If your aunt is too lazy for proper baking, this mug is perfect for making mug cakes. Buy two, and maybe she'll bake one for you too. 
12. Part humbug sweet, part Beetlejuice, this clutch bag is all class.  

Seen any good gift guides recently?***

Katie xxx

*I probably didn't need to specify collage-loving. I mean, has anyone ever met a Doberman who DIDN'T love collages? They're definitely the best scrapbookers of the canine world.

**If you don't know anyone else who'd appreciate these things, but still want to buy them, feel free to tweet me for my address...

*** Apart from this one, obviously.

13 November 2014

Three Things Thursday

Hey you guys!! Guess what?! I've found out how I want to die!! 

I mean, obviously, I would rather live forever and grow older and wrinklier every day until I eventually look like this (the dog, not the baby - that would be weird). But if I absolutely HAVE to die, I want this to be the thing that kills me:

[image source]

It's SO DAMN GOOD that I'm pretty sure I'd trade my own grandmother for a lifetime supply if I had the option. Luckily for my Nan, the grannies-for-ice-cream black market is pretty poor round here.

You'd think that discovering something so delicious it should probably be illegal would be enough awesome for one week, but over the few days I've also been the lucky/gleeful recipient of multiple surprise presents. Eep! 

Tom bought me the beautiful notebook (currently 25% off in the Debenhams sale), and the Easter egg was in a whole bag(!) of hostess gifts from friends who came over for dinner last weekend. It's a kitsch-lovers dream (check out the reverse side below), and filled with chocolate eggs too. Double win. 

The hostess presents also included The World's Tiniest Cookie Cutter. You probably missed it in the first photo; I'll just wait here while you go back and have another look... 

I'm very excited about baking hundreds of tiny biscuits, and cutting miniature Christmas trees out of toast. 

Finally, my bestie made the most of Tom being bed-bound and therefore unable to police the Stag Ban (the fourth House Rule I accidentally missed from the original list) to smuggle in the plate and matching bowl that she'd snatched up on a trip to Ikea. 

The third thing floating my boat this week is stumbling across a brilliant collection of Schmidt quotes made into motivational posters. These ones are my favourites (but it was REALLY hard to choose):

All images from here.

How are your weeks going? And have you ever eaten anything better than Peanut Butter Cup ice-cream*?

Katie xxx

* Trick question; the answer is no.