The one with the anti-party tricks

Hello lovelies!

Happy Friday Eve :)

Ever since I shared my super powers party tricks, I've been worried some of you may not be sleeping due to an all-consuming jealousy of my knife-shunning, fly-banishing, human-pigeony mad skillz. I've decided to burst that bubble, for the sake of your beauty sleep*, and tell you about a few of the ridiculously silly things I’m definitely not so good at. General life things, I mean - not crafty ones; although I have shared those before.

1. Making tea.
Despite being able to cook a number of fancy(ish) delicious things, time after time it’s the simple cuppa that stumps me. I desperately want to become The Perfect Hostess, and therefore offer all our guests tea on a half-hourly basis, but I often give them tea so wrong that it’s basically an insult.

I'm blaming my consistent failure on the fact I have my own tea so milky it matches my pasty skin. Perhaps it's just as well I'm incapable of tanning, as I'd otherwise be unable to demonstrate my tea preference. My own predilection causes me to second- and third-guess the amount of milk I put in other people’s cuppas, and it's amazing how much I can mess up what is essentially hot water, a tea bag, and milk. Sorry, guests!

Maybe I need to get some of these?

2. Spatial awareness.
I have absolutely zero spatial awareness, whether in relation to inanimate objects (like parked cars.... *ahem*) or my own body. Despite the fact I've had the same hips and elbows for nearly 26 years, I still appear to forget how far they stick out.

This e-card I spotted on Pinterest really rings true for me. On an average day I reckon I’m about 16% bruise.

[image source] 

For example, last night I managed to smash my own nose with a plastic lunch box. I'm just glad that I didn't have two black eyes today, because I don't know how I would've explained that at work!

3. Eating salad.
I've never understood the cliché of women ordering salad on a first date. Many, many moons ago, when I used to go on a date or two, I would NEVER have ordered a salad. Partly because carbs are way better than salad, and also because if I try to eat a plate of salad, I end up looking like this:

Luckily for me, since I met Tom I no longer have to make the "what to eat on a first date" decision. Three cheers for finding a boy who not only fully supports my love of carbs, but who also still thinks I'm beautiful even when I have salad dressing in my eyebrow. Hurrah!

What are you good at? And what are you oddly hopeless at? Please do share- I'd love to hear!

Katie xxx

* Not that you need it, you gorgeous things!!

Red Sticker Mist

Y'know how murderers in TV shows always say they "didn't mean to kill him, but then I saw a red mist"? Well, I totally get it. 

I don't mean I've stabbed someone, I hasten to add. It hasn't come to that. Yet*.

I am a sucker for a sale, a reduction, a deal, an offer, and a bargain. Nothing makes me happier than saving money on something that I was planning to buy anyway. Or something I suddenly, desperately wanted once I saw it was 70% off. KERCHING!

Since recently discovering that a supermarket near my work reduces a lot of its stock at the time I finish (co-incidence? I think not!), I've spent the last few weeks manically cavorting around the aisles of said supermarket with armfuls of red-sticker-clad goods. Why I never think to pick up a basket is beyond me. It happens EVERY time! Admittedly, the majority of these items were not on my shopping list but who on earth could resist wholewheat bagels, shitake mushrooms, and two wafer-thin slices of prosciutto at 67% off?!

That may be the most upper-middle-class sentence that has ever been written.

Anyway, my point is - when I see red, I seem to go into a trance where I want to buy up ALL THE THINGS.

Thankfully, a smidgen of my sanity appears to have figured out how to fight the Sticker Demon, because I mostly grab things which are freezable. That said, we have been eating some rather interesting dinners lately...

Please be clear, I'm not apologising for my thriftiness Scrooge-osity. One of my girlfriends recently confided she knew she'd met the man of her dreams when he made a beeline for the reduced section first. One has to admire a man who says "Screw our plans for tonight's dinner - we shall feast on broccoli florets, half a pork pie, and a bucket of dodgy profiteroles!". Swoon.

What are your thoughts about reduced-price food? 

Katie xxx

* But if anyone dares get between me and the marked-down bakery shelf who knows what could happen?

A little TLC

Hey m'dears :)

How've you been? 

After several weeks of feeling as blue as a blue whale*, not to mention as whaley as a blue whale due to self-medicating my misery with a strict four-puddings-a-day diet, I'm glad to report that a weekend full of wholesome and happy activities has me feeling almost back to my usual cheery self. Hurrah!

This weekend was the perfect balance of nearly all my favourite things. Just in case any of you need to update your Big Book Of Katie's Favourite Things, I've written them down in a handy list. You're welcome.

1. Gluttony.
I realise it's a deadly sin, but so is Sloth - and I haven't been struck down by lightning yet despite spending 90% of my waking hours on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket, watching re-runs of Grand Designs. I'm going to keep chancing it.

This weekend's gluttony was courtesy of a cheeky meal deal from Waitrose which was launched to celebrate the holiday I refer to as "VD"; because it's like a disease**. 

£20 scored us two cheesy leek tartlets, two ribeye steaks, four fancy potato rosti, a huge cheesecake, a box of seriously good chocolates and a bottle of wine. Obviously, we didn't eat all of it on Friday night; as I'm pretty sure the Valentine's heart motif isn't meant to represent a heart attack. 

2. A clean house
My New Year's Resolutions are actually going pretty well. I've nailed the majority of the fancy alphabet (although currently wobble on I, N and Q when under pressure), and the house has maintained a reasonably clean and presentable state since 1 January. There are some areas we still need to tackle, but after single-handedly clearing out and re-organising the 6 million jars of chilli sauce and mustard in our fridge (thanks to my Condiment King boyfriend), I feel confident I can conquer Cleaning Everest.

3. De-cluttering
I find having a good old clear-out incredibly therapeutic (almost as much so as shopping for more stuff... *ahem*), so Saturday morning saw me staggering to the nearest charity shop under the weight of an unruly binbag of clothes, and a rucksack crammed with unused cookbooks and kitchenalia. I'm counting it as cheesecake-balancing cardio.

4. Rainy day games
When the weather took a turn for the worse, I opted to spend Saturday afternoon playing a few rounds of Bananagrams with my parents, using my cheap-as-chips magnetic Scrabble tiles. Needless to say, I didn't play the swearwords-only version I've previously played with friends. 

5. Cheering crafts
This DIY was one of my New Year's Resolutions, and I decided to combine my attempt with my own version of this shiny print by backing it with kitchen foil. It's now gracing our new picture ledge, and I thought it would act as a daily reminder to cheer up my face!

Please excuse the shoddy photo, but it seems to be dark whenever I'm home at the moment. Whether this is due to the actual weather, or the grey cartoon storm clouds constantly hovering over my head, is hard to say.

6. Shopping local
Sunday morning's food shopping trip included a sun-soaked wander around our local "farmers market"; aka, the carboot sale. I really enjoy being able to buy fresh fruit and veg direct from the growers; it's so much more personal than the supermarket, and often cheaper too!

7. Food with friends
On Sunday, Tom and I played host to our collective besties. Tom cooked a seriously awesome roast dinner, whilst I concentrated on the important things like chatting about houses, babies, work, and birthday party plans. Fran has hired me as her official Birthday Party Planner, in order to relieve the migraine-causing stress from her and give me the perfect excuse to buy a clipboard, label maker, and a headset a la Britney.

"Get me more balloons, STAT!!"
[image source]

8. Making plans
Fran and I also bought tickets for a couple of shows in Brighton's Sick! Festival; which is apparently "a new festival exploring the medical, mental and social challenges of life and death and how we survive them (or don’t)." I, for one, am rather intrigued....

9. A little treat
Having feasted my belly on delicious roast dinner, I spent Sunday afternoon feasting my eyes on the delights of a home decor magazine I'd bought as a treat, with an obligatory cuppa (obviously). The mag included a free ticket to the next Ideal Home Show, so I'm now deliberating whether to go again. Do any of you lovelies fancy joining me? 

What did you get up to this weekend?

Katie xxx

* The lowest point was nearly bursting into tears when I couldn't find the yoghurt I'd earmarked for my breakfast. I even j'accused Tom of stealing it, which is definitely not my proudest moment. Especially when I found it hiding on the top shelf behind the cheese. In my defence, it was a well fancy yoghurt.

** I did say almost back to cheery!

Why I'd rather be a sheep

Hello lovelies!

It's been a while. How are you?

My last few weeks have fluctuated between crying with laughter and crying with frustration. Basically, a lot of crying. It's a good thing I've been regularly replenishing my body's fluid/salt levels with copious quantities of wine and cheese, or else I'd be all dehydrated like a prune.

All this yoyo-ing has left my brain a little worn out. I have so many things I want to tell you all about, but I'm struggling to start. So, until I'm back on form, I've opted for answering a list of questions from the lovely Kezzie who sent me my surprise birthday presents last year. Here goes...

1. What is the meaning of life?

Spreading happiness. I think if everyone really, really tried to do this (myself included), we could eradicate a lot of the problems in the world. 

2. Favourite sweetie?

I'm not really a sweets person. I can eat chocolate 'til the cows come home, but most sweets I just find boring. Does fudge count? If so, I'm opting for fudge. Or something involving sherbet. Mmm...

3. Princess Jasmine or Belle? Why?

Belle, because my life is basically like her's anyway. Except for the bit where I'm being held hostage in exchange for my mad-scientist father. The identical bits are that I live with an incredibly hairy man, cut flowers live for a spookily long time in our house, and we have a candelabra with a voice that is far too sexy for an inanimate object. Ok, that last one isn't true. 

That voice AND dance moves? Swit swoo!

I just found out that Lumiere was voiced by Jerry Orbach, aka the father who put Baby in the corner in Dirty Dancing. I don't know how to feel about this.

4. What do you like most about blogging?

Getting to discover and interact with interesting, funny, like-minded, and totally different people from all over the world, and having a record of my creative projects and musings to look back on. 

5. And what do you like least?

That I sometimes feel sad about how I can't seem to gain any followers/not getting sent tons of free crap. I am fully aware that a toys-out-of-the-pram tantrum about not being sent some free hot chocolate/not having 100 followers would be a very ungrateful and Verruca Salt-like thing to do, especially as that's not what blogging is about, but I still occasionally turn into a bit of a green-eyed monster when I see some of my fellow bloggers being sent presents every five minutes. 

6. Who was your favourite childhood stuffed/cuddly toy and why? Do you still have them?

My Mum knitted me a doll of Ted Glen when I was a toddler, because I was apparently IN LOVE with his moustachey face, and every time he came on TV in Postman Pat I would go up and kiss the screen. So my Mum made me this dude, to keep her TV screen free of sticky toddler adoration:

Excellent facial hair and handy with a tool box. Two traits I clearly still adore in a man. 

7. Favourite board game?

Cards Against Humanity is my new favourite game, although, technically, it doesn't involve a board; so I'd have to go for Balderdash (which is basically the same game but requires an imagination). 

8. Would you rather be a sheep or a cow? Why?

A sheep. Under the stipulation that I was NEVER allowed to be shorn. I'm a fan of cosy jumpers all year round. 

9. What word do you have issues with spelling?

Some words with double consonants. I can't think of any specific examples right now, but I knew I'd become a fully-fledged member of the NHS when I could spell Musculoskeletal without spellchecker :p  

10. What pet would you love if you could have something?

When I was younger I really wanted a pet cat. Not a house cat- a lynx, or a panther, or a snow leopard. I also had an imaginary cocker spaniel and an imaginary pet rat I used to play with during school breaktimes. Bit of a chicken and egg thing there- I'm not sure if I dreamt them up because I had no friends, or if I lost the few friends I had once I began stroking the air three inches above my shoulder where my pet rat was sitting. Hmmm...

My dog looked like this. Only, y'know, imaginary.

11. What question would you like to answer that you've never been asked?

I was going to say "Will you marry me?" (haha!) but I think I've actually been asked that before by drunken friends/ strangers who were totally blown away with my sweet dance moves. Perhaps "Which bank account would you like this million pounds paid into?" 

Katie xxx